Walking Between the Living and the Dead
by Sangri Star
Summary: This is a small follow-up to my story "The Damage is Done."


Sacrifice. It's a three-syllable, nine-letter word. It means to give up something, usually for the better. Sacrifice. That is what Otto did for me, for the city, for the best. But still I feel such emptiness inside. I don't want to feel it, though. But sometimes I have to smile through the pain, even if it hurts so much I really want to scream.

I still live in the empty apartment that Rosalie and Otto Octavius left for me. I can still hear them laughing, speaking of poetry and science and beauty. I can still feel their presence in the rooms. I can still see them before my eyes, delusions of what it was like before the experiment, before Rosie died, before Otto was given his metallic arms, and before I was left alone completely. It is almost as if they are still living, even though they aren't.

I work two jobs, one at a bookstore, the other at a video rental place. I still go to school, the way I used to. I'm a senior, and I'll be graduating soon. I sure wish Rosie and Otto could see me walking up to receive my diploma. I'm not valedictorian, but I'm close. I missed it, but just barely. They would have been proud of me anyway.

I speak to Otto sometimes. He visits me in my dreams. The first night I met him in my dreams, I was scared. I thought that I had died as well, although I wasn't far off. But he did as he always did – he assured me, he comforted me.

He looked so different. He wasn't sad, he wasn't vicious. He didn't have his four arms that gave him the nickname 'Doctor Octopus'. He was himself, the scientist, the forgiver, the lover, the father.

I ran to him and held him tight. I knew that it couldn't be real, he couldn't have survived. But somehow, I could believe different if I wanted to. He was alive in me, alive in my mind, my heart. But all that matters was that he was alive in some way. I was crying, and he was too.

"My Mika," he said. "My Mika."

"Father…"

"Daughter…"

"I've missed you so much."

"I know. I've missed you too. It's so hard to bear being away from you."

"But at least you have Rosie."

"That's true. She misses you too. We hurt so much watching you."

"From heaven… right?"

"No, no. There is no heaven, no hell. There is an afterlife, but you're only walking amongst the living, seeing them living out their lives, while you're dead, you're gone, you're nothing, and your corpse is rotting under the ground."

He looked away from me. I could see all the pain he was feeling. He wished he were alive.

"I would do anything to be with you and Rosie once again," I said.

"I know, Mika. But you cannot kill yourself, if that is what you're thinking of. You must keep living. I want you to."

"But…"

"It's hard. It's going to be hard no matter what. That is what life is like, and that is what death is like too. And we will be together again, someday. But you should wait."

"I'm so tired of being lonely."

"You think I'm not? Look, as long as you live, you will not be lonely."

"How so?"

"Rosie and I still love you. We are always going to be following you, giving you that extra push of confidence if you need it. We are going to protect you and love you just like we were before. I want you to graduate. I want you to go to college. I want you to stop working so much and worrying so much. You're too young to die yet."

"I just… I feel so broken inside. I was kicked while I was down, and I'm still down."

"I realize that, sweetheart, but you have to stop grieving. It's been years since we passed. You are on your own, and believe me, you work so hard for so little. I wish you didn't have to suffer."

"Then don't let me. Let me die."

Then I saw Otto get angry. I rarely saw him angry. "You cannot kill yourself! Suicide is selfish! Rosie and I did not teach you to be selfish!"

And I looked away from him. I knew he was right. But as soon as he had gotten angry, he became soft again. He took my chin in his hand and turned it toward him.

"Look at me," he said. And I could not. "Look at me," he said again, and I turned my eyes upward at his face. His eyes looked like shiny oil slicks, how wet with tears they were. He spoke to me softly. "Mika, life goes on. You're just stuck because you're not willing to go on."

"But I don't want to without you and Rosie!"

"Sometimes we have to do things we don't want. I would give the world just to live again. To be the man I should have been."

"What do you mean by that? You were a genius."

"I was a fool."

"You know that's not true."

"I am not willing to admit that because I messed up. The whole reason I am here was because I was too proud to admit I made a mistake. I killed Rosie, I killed myself. I killed others because I was too proud."

"I don't want to hear that!" I began to cry harder. "You didn't do anything wrong! Nothing! Nothing at all!"

"Stop it, Mika. It's okay to admit faults. Without mistakes, some of the world's greatest inventions might not have been discovered. We all make mistakes, and even if you don't want to believe them, I made them. I was not a god, though I tried to be. I was just a mere mortal."

I knew I was being selfish, and I knew I was trying to block out the truth. So I asked him, "What do you expect me to do?"

"I want you, after we're done talking, to wake up. And I want you to remember what I've told you. I want you to keep living for the day. That is all I ask."

"I shall try."

"Do, or do not. There is no try." That made me smile, which made him smile as well. "I know, you're living in misery. You're lonely. But keep smiling through the pain, like you have been doing. But it is also right to cry. You just have to balance the both of them."

"I will do that."

"Promise me?"

"Yes."

"And remember, I am watching out for you. Nothing will harm my Mika."

I hugged him again. "Thank you, thank you…"

He stood up. "I have to leave now. I'll come back, you'll see. I'll help you. But our time is up."

"Goodbye, father."

"Goodbye, sweetheart." We hugged again and he kissed me on the cheek. "Goodbye…"

Then he left me. He walked away into the fog of my dreams. I woke up some hours later, and I took to heart what my father said.

Sometimes I have to smile through the pain, even if it hurts so much I really want to scream.

I live in the empty apartment. I think I should get a pet soon, maybe a cat to keep me company.

I can still hear Rosie and Otto laughing, speaking of poetry and science and beauty. I can still feel their presence in the rooms. I can still see them before my eyes, delusions of what it was like before the experiment went wrong, before Rosie died, before Otto was given his metallic arms, and before I was left alone completely. I can still smell Rosie's perfume and Otto's cologne. I can still feel their touch sometimes, when I am working my hardest and I just don't think I can make it on my own.

It is almost as if they are still living, even though they aren't. But I know they walk alongside me, helping me, protecting me, and loving me.


End file.
